I go to this bar every day, but only during the day. I don’t really drink at all, I can’t enjoy it anymore. I eat my meals here, it’s the same every day. Eggs for breakfast, soup for lunch, and a hamburger with fries for dinner. I use their phone to make calls. I spend a lot of time rescheduling my appointments. I write in my diary too. I remember my old man would log the weather every day, probably for over fifty years, I’d say. I suppose I do something like that as well. Even though it’s virtually the same every day, I never get tired of it. And when I return tomorrow, I’ll be reading back what I wrote today, because I forget. I guess it makes it easier. They let me smoke my cigarettes in the shaded alley where they keep their garbage. I like to imagine they think of me as a stray cat they look after. Though if I could choose, in a different life, I’d like to be someone who’d think of himself more as a small pigeon, fashioned out clay. Easy to shape. They’d never let real pigeons indoors, or eat from their hand the way I do. We never talk about it. Sometimes we have some polite chit-chat about this and that, but they know I’m not so good with my words, so they leave me alone for the most part. I like the peace and quiet. And it’s dark in here, which is important to me. They always keep their blinds down at this place. There’s a thick cake of dust on them. Maybe it just got too heavy. They’re probably stuck and they just never bothered doing anything about it. They don’t seem like people too sensitive to having it one way or another. They go about their business. I also imagine that, by now, touching it would likely create a big, unwieldy curtain of smoke, causing some kind of health hazard they can’t afford to deal with. Lucky me, then. I’m a lucky guy, you know, I like to think. I would really hate to see them have their license pulled, I can’t afford to change my life right now. Every day I come here before dawn and leave just after sunset. I don’t like how crowded it gets when people get off work. But I’m grateful, because I understand all too well I’ve got them to thank for that I can sit around here the rest of the time. They’re the ones who keep the proverbial lights on in this place, after all. So, no, I’m not going to sit here and be all sore that I’ll have to leave again later. I’m just fine.
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