— What? You’re still here?
— Putting in my ten thousand hours, you know how it is.
— All right then, just close up when you go, I guess. You know where the thing is, right? I was just on my way out, so.
— Yeah, all right.
— Hey, don’t you worry about it, buck.
— Yeah, all right.
— It’ll happen for you, I know it will. Just remember that, all right?
— Yeah, all right.
— Yeah?
— Yeah.
— That’s it, that’s my boy, look at you!
— Ah, right. Hm. Happy er, what’s the thing people say?
— Your guess is as good as mine!
— Surely you’d know better than I do.
— I don’t see why.
— Matter’fact, I’m sure you know better than I ever could.
— Hey, don’t say that, all right?
— Yeah, all right.
— Promise, yeah? O.K. , well I’ll be off then!
— Yeah, all right.
The door closes.
— Liar.
Silence.
— Not gone but forgotten.
Ringmaster’s Lament
You make me sick, you know that? You and that glib way of yours, the way you go about your business and do that whole thing you do and stick your nose in mine, like it’s any of your—of your concern!
I don’t know what I’ve done this time to deserve being cast in your shadow, but Lord knows I do. If you’re divine punishment or maybe a kind of blessing, in some way I can’t piece together yet. Some twisted way to save my immortal soul. A maze with no middle, a joke. Isn’t it? For me to vainly have a go at. You and your, yeah, pfft.
Teeth marks on my tongue, they don’t like it when you tell them the truth. True or false? Pah! As if there ever were such a thing.
You don’t care, you don’t see me seethe, see me fall down. Out of sight and mind. You’re blithe, blissfully unwitting. And why should you? Inspiring jealousy and contempt can only be a good thing. And even still to be blind to it too. Whilst I grovel in your shadow. There need not be shame in being hated.
After all, this is my circus. These are my funhouse mirrors, I decide. All mine, it’s my circus, I decide. I’m trying to ignore the elephant. Sure, it’s a joke, and a sick one, in the sense that they reveal a truth, one that makes me want to hurl, but you know what they say about glass houses. A joke, I’m a joke, just one big joke to you, aren’t I? Well, it’s funny until it’s not anymore.
You take pity on me. You lie as to not upset me. You think you can dance around me, but I’ll get you, just you wait.
But then again, the same thing that makes me miserable makes me happy another day. As if by a miracle, but of course it’s not really magic. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t even know why I’m so pissed. I’m mad as hell though. Wrung out my face so much it got stuck or something. Pitiable.
Let’s just get through this, bite down. I’ll lose sleep as I see fit, you lousy. Just have to go through the motions, one more time. And another. And another. Until I get it right. Yeah, all right.
It’s anyone’s game. Do you want it, or do you just want to win?